This weekend, I’m going to take the time and update my blogroll over there ~~>. I hardly read a lot of those blogs, and I read some others that aren’t listed, so time to update it all. Know of a blog that I *have* to check out? Leave me a comment and let me know.

So, I’m out of town right now for business. Basically, I’m becoming a ‘certified’ trainer. Now, mind you, I’ve already trained two new employees, but now I’ll be certified to do it. So, my company flew me out on Sunday afternoon. Yes, mothers’ day. It kinda sucked, but my mom wasn’t feeling well anyway so it wasn’t like I had plans. Anyway, so I’m in Tennessee. I haven’t been here, since 2002. So much has changed. It’s still beautiful though. I’m sad that I haven’t had a chance to get out and about and check everything out. Hopefully I’ll get that chance in a couple of months when I come back for 5 year service award banquet. Sometimes I forget that I’ve been with my company for 5 ½ years, and then there are other times, that it seems like I’ve been with them for 50 years. I guess it’s like that with every place. The home office is really nice though. It makes me wish that I lived here and could work at corporate, instead of ‘out in the field’. I think that there are more benefits at corporate. Main on being that they can wear jeans. EVERY DAY.

Okay, as some of you may know (or if you don’t, this is a FYI), I have a new puppy. Well, he’s about 20 weeks old. He’s a miniature daschund, dark greyish black with grey dappling, one crystal blue eye and one brown eye, he is named Auzie, and he is the most adorable.puppy.EVER. No, really, he is. In fact, he’s so adorable, that I can’t help myself sometimes, I just want to pick on him. His reactions are priceless. Case in point:

The other night the puppy and I were curled up on the couch, watching The Hills (Yes, that’s right, The Hills… ). So, in the middle of a commercial, Auzie yawns. I couldn’t resist it, I put my finger on his tongue. Which of course he gently bit down on my finger, then shook his head around a little bit. But, what happened next, just left me speechless.

He looked at me, with menacing eyes, and firmly placed his tongue against my leg. He glanced up at me, not licking my leg, oh no… just held his tongue there, and I swear, I heard him say… “Don’t.Make.Me.Lick.You.I.WILL.Do.It.”

I have a wonderful family. Couldn’t dream for better.

I have great friends. Couldn’t ask for better.

The job, that’s a little sketchy, but.. eh, it pays the bills. Well, most of them.

But… there are days, that I’m unsure about everything. There are days that I can’t paint the smile on, and pretend that everything is okay. There are times, that it doesn’t *feel* okay.  There are times that I feel lost, vulnerable, and alone… even when I’m in a crowded room. There are times that I’m sad, and can’t explain way or what caused it. There are times, that my dreams get the best of me and I get wrapped up in the ‘what-ifs’ that I forget about the reality for a bit.

There are times… like now. A crash course of life, and I find myself standing in the middle of the road, with a million different ways to go, and no map.

I admire those girls, and men for that matter, who can write honestly and openly.. for the public. It seems that everytime that i make up my mind, that I am going to just throw it all out there, I start getting nervous and end up holding back. It’s like, I want to get it out there and just be me, I think that there would be something rather freeing in being able to do that. Yet, when I sit down to let the words flow out, I find myself holding back. What if so and so sees this or that. What if they judge me. What if someone from work finds out. What if that friend finds out. What if he finds my blog. What if she finds my blog. You get the picture. It’s frustrating to me. I write about everything, love… life… silliness… goals.. everything, in a private journal.. and yes, it is nice.. it would also be nice to be part of the whole blog-o-sphere out here.

What I want to know, is how to get from point A… to point B. To fall into the ranks of those that you see on my blogroll over there ~~~>. Yes, how do I … get there.

You would think, that after the past few years of participating in Black Friday shopping, that I would eventually… decide to learn from the past and NOT GO. I mean, there’s never really anything that I have to have and will die without. We are never that pressed for items that we can’t pay a little extra. Sure, some things are great deals. But, really. Man oh man.

This year was a little different. Instead of dominating a few stores, we chose one. We picked Wal-Mart because they had the most items we wanted, and since we both weren’t off work today, it made the most sense. Sense. Right, remember that word.

This event should be a movie. Seriously. People were nuts. I couldn’t sleep Thanksgiving night. I didn’t end up getting to sleep until around 2:00am. I woke up at 4:00am to rush to Wal-Mart because the sale started at 5:00am. Drove by Best Buy just to see, and it was horrible. People were lined up all over the parking lot and building. I could live without my GuildWars game for awhile. Finally, at Wal-Mart…. I twisted and turned the shopping cart through the store. Managed to not hit many people, and managed to get all the items that were wanted. Wal-Mart had the items in the oddest of places though. Movies and CDs that were on the ’sale’ were by the lunchmeats and seafood. Other items were all over the store in places you just would not normally look. They had them on the pallets and out in the middle of the aisles everywhere. I made it out without too many problems. But, let me tell you. There is NOTHING you can buy at the store, that is that serious, that you find yourself… feeling the need to act a fool. I mean, come on. Here’s what happened…

I had went to the back of electronics (yeah, I know… this wasn’t my smartest move). They had PS2 games on sale for $19.98. This is a great deal, considering some of the games run around $39 or $40 easily. I overheard people talking about where the games were located that were on sale, and I quickly gently made my way back there. Now, apparently there was a laptop and a desktop on sale too. Let me tell you, people are serious about their PCs. Anyway, I got the games I wanted, and started to move OUT OF THE WAY. This guy comes out of the back with one of the desktops, and asks me if this is the one that I wanted. I smiled and politely said “No thank you, I wasn’t shopping for any PCs.” The lady behind me told the guy she was waiting for a laptop, and he said he would be right back and would go get it for her. Now, I’m trying to move the shopping cart (Full of stuff, all wanted items — but will be sorted through and weeded out for what we really wanted to buy) out of the electronics area. This other bitch, heffer, woman  lady screams says to the guy that SHE’s been waiting for a PC! and she turns around and starts heading right towards me. It was like we were going to play chicken or something. You know, where two cars go really fast towards each other, and the first one to swerve is the chicken, and loses. Not the smartest game, by the way. Anyway, I smile and say excuse me, and proceed to tell her that I’m just trying to get out of this area, and then she can have my place (since I was closer to the PC guy than she was). She runs into my cart, I say “Sorry” and she says… are you ready for this? No really, are you ready? She says “That’s okay…. BITCH!” So, I said as sweetly as I possibly could.. “Well, that’s a good thing, thanks BITCH!”. The people around laughed, and said that’s what I get for being nice. I was just shocked, that she was this serious about a pc, when I really was trying to help her and move out of her way… so she could be closer to this one item, that she obviously was going to DIE WITH OUT. Far be it from me, to let someone die because they missed out on a PC.

Finally made it out of the store by 6:15am and went to have breakfast. Came home, tried to watch TV and fell asleep for a few hours. Ahhh, what an event.

It’s official… Holiday Shopping Season has begun!!

Really, the problem with offering too many choices, or options, is that when you ask for opinions… generally, everyone will choose something different. Then, you are left, still unsure, because now… you have one vote for each of the choices. ~ugh.

See, like I said, I’m renaming the blog. So, I’ve posted a poll on a different journal of mine, and have asked a few people their opinions. Of course, everyone has choosen something different. So, now I have 1 vote for each of the following: Say When, Little Earthquakes, The Glitter Remains, In Omnia Aparatus.

… continues on with madness.

Many years ago, back in the day of blazing blue eye shadow, stripper-red lips and nails, magic marker thick black eyeliner, I had a big makeup case (aka: Caboodle). This thing was HUGE. It had three or four trays that would flair out on each side, once the lid was lifted, also two or three trays that lifted up in the middle, and it was deep. I could hold everything in there… and believe me I did. That thing was full with whatever was on sale, usually ‘Wet-N-Wild” brand makeup. It was a treat to have something like Cover Girl, because I was definitely not ‘born with it’ so maybe it was Maybelline. I was obsessed with makeup. That was when; being obsessed with makeup and hair products was the ‘in thing’. All my friends were, so why not. I didn’t have any sisters or brothers (no, not spoiled… just well loved), but I had a mom and two aunts. My family really is who I consider my BEST friends. No question about that. Growing up with my mom and aunts, I was surrounded by estrogen. There were men, sure, but the female power in my family, is something fierce. Whether they are working outside the home doing what they have to, to provide a better life for their families, or staying at home raising their children, or a mixture of both… the women in my family are well, simply amazing. But, that’s another topic all together. Now, back to the makeup. I learned how to apply my makeup via watching and learning from my mom and aunts. My grandma did the hair-do teaching, she is now a retired beautician and ran her own shop out of her house for most of my childhood. We went through the horrific AWESOME 80’s. Makeup was loud and proud. Then, there was a time that I just simply did the basics. I got tired of all the fuss. As I grew older, my makeup case became a bag, and contained the essentials, but no ‘tools of the trade’. I didn’t care about brushes and sponges; I didn’t care about shades or shapes. All that I cared about was that it covered what it had to, and that I seemed to feel a little better when wearing it.
 

As I’ve grown older (okay, actually just lately, and a lot of influence by my best friend, V) I’ve become re-obsessed with makeup. Only this time? I’ve realized that it really DOES matter what’s in your makeup case. That’s right, C-A-S-E… not bag. I’ve traded in the bag and got a pink(shush)-cammo train case makeup case. And guess what, it’s not big enough now. I have a makeup brush set, complete with it’s own special rollcase to protect it. I’ve switched shopping the Cover Girl and Maybelline aisles and started shopping at Ulta and Sephora. I am… a makeup snob. I can’t help it. There’s so much to choose from. There’s glitter and sparkles. There’s deep and dark. There’s bright and light. I have every color under the rainbow and then some. I’ve discovered Urban Decay and Too Faced.  Gotten lost amongst Smashbox and Red Earth. I don’t know how I ever survived without Bare Escentuals. I can’t get enough of OPI. It’s insane really. And the names, I mean really… who can resist? Midnight Cowboy Rides Again, Grind, Fishnet, Gash, Last Call, and the list goes on and on. I walk in, innocently enough, to buy ONE tube of mascara and some foundation… Way too much money later, I walk out with a bag full with: 1 glitter liquid eyeliner, 1 tube of eyeshadow primer, 1 glitteresque eyeliner, 1 very sparkly eyeshadow… all via this neat little thing: Best of Urban. Oh, and my mascara and foundation. I was so happy. This is when, I realized…. I have a problem. I’m a makeup-whore. You may need to send backup. Send me to a support group, do an intervention! Either that, or just send cash. Oh, and I take paypal… (umm, thanks V!)

Dear Self,

Just as an FYI of things to ponder.

My December
Beautiful Silence
Tragic Beauty
Unwritten Symphony
Simple Complexity
*Little Earthquakes
*Say When
-Catch and Release
Coquettish
Write And Wrong
*In Omnia Paratus (Latin; Ready for Anything)
*The Glitter Remains
……..

Geez, the list keeps getting longer. Will the madness end?

I find myself wanting a new blog name. Yes, once again. I can’t help it. Sometimes, things just all of a sudden don’t seem to *fit* me. I need a new design for the blog too, sometimes I’m really growing tired of the flowers.

Both the name and the design, are something that I’m not able to find one where I truly like a lot.