Apr 7

I have a wonderful family. Couldn’t dream for better.

I have great friends. Couldn’t ask for better.

The job, that’s a little sketchy, but.. eh, it pays the bills. Well, most of them.

But… there are days, that I’m unsure about everything. There are days that I can’t paint the smile on, and pretend that everything is okay. There are times, that it doesn’t *feel* okay.  There are times that I feel lost, vulnerable, and alone… even when I’m in a crowded room. There are times that I’m sad, and can’t explain way or what caused it. There are times, that my dreams get the best of me and I get wrapped up in the ‘what-ifs’ that I forget about the reality for a bit.

There are times… like now. A crash course of life, and I find myself standing in the middle of the road, with a million different ways to go, and no map.

Oct 25

Many years ago, back in the day of blazing blue eye shadow, stripper-red lips and nails, magic marker thick black eyeliner, I had a big makeup case (aka: Caboodle). This thing was HUGE. It had three or four trays that would flair out on each side, once the lid was lifted, also two or three trays that lifted up in the middle, and it was deep. I could hold everything in there… and believe me I did. That thing was full with whatever was on sale, usually ‘Wet-N-Wild” brand makeup. It was a treat to have something like Cover Girl, because I was definitely not ‘born with it’ so maybe it was Maybelline. I was obsessed with makeup. That was when; being obsessed with makeup and hair products was the ‘in thing’. All my friends were, so why not. I didn’t have any sisters or brothers (no, not spoiled… just well loved), but I had a mom and two aunts. My family really is who I consider my BEST friends. No question about that. Growing up with my mom and aunts, I was surrounded by estrogen. There were men, sure, but the female power in my family, is something fierce. Whether they are working outside the home doing what they have to, to provide a better life for their families, or staying at home raising their children, or a mixture of both… the women in my family are well, simply amazing. But, that’s another topic all together. Now, back to the makeup. I learned how to apply my makeup via watching and learning from my mom and aunts. My grandma did the hair-do teaching, she is now a retired beautician and ran her own shop out of her house for most of my childhood. We went through the horrific AWESOME 80’s. Makeup was loud and proud. Then, there was a time that I just simply did the basics. I got tired of all the fuss. As I grew older, my makeup case became a bag, and contained the essentials, but no ‘tools of the trade’. I didn’t care about brushes and sponges; I didn’t care about shades or shapes. All that I cared about was that it covered what it had to, and that I seemed to feel a little better when wearing it.
 

As I’ve grown older (okay, actually just lately, and a lot of influence by my best friend, V) I’ve become re-obsessed with makeup. Only this time? I’ve realized that it really DOES matter what’s in your makeup case. That’s right, C-A-S-E… not bag. I’ve traded in the bag and got a pink(shush)-cammo train case makeup case. And guess what, it’s not big enough now. I have a makeup brush set, complete with it’s own special rollcase to protect it. I’ve switched shopping the Cover Girl and Maybelline aisles and started shopping at Ulta and Sephora. I am… a makeup snob. I can’t help it. There’s so much to choose from. There’s glitter and sparkles. There’s deep and dark. There’s bright and light. I have every color under the rainbow and then some. I’ve discovered Urban Decay and Too Faced.  Gotten lost amongst Smashbox and Red Earth. I don’t know how I ever survived without Bare Escentuals. I can’t get enough of OPI. It’s insane really. And the names, I mean really… who can resist? Midnight Cowboy Rides Again, Grind, Fishnet, Gash, Last Call, and the list goes on and on. I walk in, innocently enough, to buy ONE tube of mascara and some foundation… Way too much money later, I walk out with a bag full with: 1 glitter liquid eyeliner, 1 tube of eyeshadow primer, 1 glitteresque eyeliner, 1 very sparkly eyeshadow… all via this neat little thing: Best of Urban. Oh, and my mascara and foundation. I was so happy. This is when, I realized…. I have a problem. I’m a makeup-whore. You may need to send backup. Send me to a support group, do an intervention! Either that, or just send cash. Oh, and I take paypal… (umm, thanks V!)

Apr 9

I’ve been wondering lately which direction I want my blog to go. Over the years, I’ve noticed that anytime that I have a public journal I tend to censor myself. I’ve wondered why I do this, and though I try not to… I find myself doing it anyway.

So, that leads me to wonder… why do I care? It is my blog after all. I am an adult. I have real emotions, real thoughts, real desires.. .and while I may not be that single gal living it up in a big city, I’m still a woman. So I’m curious… how do other bloggers get over the silent-monster and just put it all out there?

Maybe I should just put a disclaimer up…. “Warning: This blog may make you mad, it make offend, and you may find it socially unacceptable. But.. it’s all me.” :D