•• Pretty Distraction ••

I’ve organized (most) of my books by author. Meaning that I’ve put all of the books by the same author together. Now, I’ve decided that I also want to semi-organize them by genre. Except, I don’t have enough shelves to do that. So, I’ve sorta done it… and sorta not. And, that’s okay with me. To take my OCD-ness a bit further, and I just went through ALL of my books (well the ones that are on the bookshelves) and made sure they were all logged on my Library Thing account. I’ve still got one more plastic tub of books to go through, and now that I type this, I think that there are a couple of stray books in my bedroom. So, promptly after I close this, I’ll be grabbing the ones from my room and placing on the shelf. Because, let’s face it. I wouldn’t be able to sleep until those books are all in the proper place.

No, this is not a problem. And no, I don’t need a support group. Now therapy? That’s a whole different story.

xoxo
~stori

Okay, so… I’ve been very busy with reorganization, de-cluttering, cleaning, and all around sorting through the chaos of my home. See, I’ve been in this same apartment for 15 years. That’s right. FIFTEEN. YEARS. Do you know how much STUFF you accumulate in that time-frame?? Well, let me tell you how much. A LOT. That’s right, a lot. I have things (receipts) dating back to 1999. Why? Because when I first moved out into my own apartment, I was all about the independence. I remember, I was 17 and 1/2 and got my own apartment. It was awesome, to the finest degree. I didn’t move away to college, I moved out and treated the apartment like a dorm. Of course, one of the things my mom had told me was “Keep everything for your records’. What my mom forgot to tell me to do, was eventually, time to shred and get rid of those things. So, I had plastic boxes of things left over from utility bills, debit card purchases, and everything else you could possible think of. How, tack on 15 years of this, give or take, and you can only imagine. So, I’ve been in ‘that’ mode. Getting rid of the old, and preparing to bring in the new. And, I have to say… I feel very liberated. I’m debt free, with the exception of my car, and reorganizing and de-cluttering, really is helping me enjoy that feeling. DEBT. FREE. ME! How exciting is that??

Now, of course… Auzie (the most adorable puppy dog, EVER) is a bit — out of sorts. He suddenly has new places to explore, hide his toys, dig at the carpet (?), and run as fast as he can through the house. He’s happy, yet unsure. He keeps checking his toys, which now have this nifty blue basket to contain them. And while we are on the subject of containing, I’m working on teaching Auzie to put his toys back. I know, get ready to FAIL Stori. But, onward I go in teaching. Maybe this is how I will make it rich and retire.

More updates. The semester is over, and I’ve PASSED. I’m so happy to be over Math, that I can’t stand it. Sure, I use Math daily at work and in life, but — to be graded on it? DONE. Let’s take a moment to celebrate…. Thank you.

Now, onto the Laziness part. There are a few fellow bloggers, that I absolutely LOVE. I read their blogs often as possible. They inspire me in one way or another, and motivate me to want to write more. These are all good things. The thing is, I want to be lazy and sleep away a day or two, at least. But, I can’t. No, I sure can’t. These women post great things, and I just HAVE to read them instead of you know, that pesky sleep thing. So, I have to plug one of them here — and also to brag about how I’ve won TWO book giveaways from the wonderful MaNiC MoMMy. This lady is getting ready to move, across the country, and in the midst of all of this, has offered several Book Give-Aways. And, let’s face it.. Books + Free = Happy Stori. So, of course I’ve had to try to win every single one of them. Head over to her blog and check her out, she is funny and passionate. You will love her blog! So, thank you Stephanie for the great books! I can’t wait to read them!!

Okay, time to wrap up and get my booty in bed.

xoxo
~Stori

As the day is closing, I thought that I’d send out a Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mom’s out there. Even those who are just mom’s to their pets, today… they count.

The Mother’s Day brunch at the Alzheimer’s Center went well yesterday. My grandma, mom, and myself all went to visit my Papa. Of course, the moment we walked in and papa looked up and noticed us, emotion started pouring out. We visited, ate brunch, visited some more. It was hard though. I just wanted to take him home. This is a crazy struggle that we are all having to go through. So. very. hard.

Tomorrow, is Cody’s birthday. He would have been 15 years old. It’s hard to think about that. Me, having a 15 year old. I imagine what life would be like, if I still had him with me. How different everything would be. The things I’d be doing, places I’d be going, how I’d be acting. Where would we live, our lives so very different. He touched all of our loves, so much. I know, there’s a reason for everything… and I may never know what that reason is, but it’s there. I miss him. Every year, I wonder what it will be like when the anniversary of his passing approaches. Some years, are okay, time passes without too much utter emotional paralyzation. Other years it seems like it was just yesterday, and I have to keep reminding myself to just breathe. So, as I head to bed tonight, those thoughts are roaming around my head. And, I just wonder how tomorrow will be. I hope it’s a wonderful day, full of memories and love.

Happy Mother’s day all you mother’s out there. Past, present, future. Whether you are an adoptive mother, someone who is in the role of being a mom even though you aren’t, or you are a mother in anyway… today is your day. I hope that you have it full of love and laughter. Take time to enjoy it. You’ve earned it!

Today, my son would have been 15 years old. It’s been a reflective day for me, thinking about how different my life would be right now. I go through phases of.. am I still a mom, can I still celebrate those joys? I know, once a mom… always a mom, but there are times that I think it’s silly of me to celebrate. I only had 16 days with my son. I wouldn’t give up anything in the world to have missed those days though. I carried him, felt him, loved him for 9 months and 16 days. And, even if I knew the outcome would be the same, I wouldn’t change it for a second. The most beautiful and special boy in the world was a part of my life, and will always live on in my heart.

I look around and see children, teens, adults, fighting with their parents and family members, and I hate it. Do they not realize the precious gift that they have right there in front of them? Put aside all those silly differences, all the unimportant disagreements… cherish the time you have. It can all be gone in a blink of an eye, and  you don’t want to sit there and think.. ‘if only I would have said this or that, did this or that.” Make the best of the here and now.

~steps off my soapbox~

Anyway, have a very Happy Mother’s Day!!

xoxo, ~pretty

Well, I’m another year older. Whee.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a nice day. Had a nice brunch, did some shopping, spent some time around family, and then a nice dinner.

Today, I’ve been lazy… laying around watching movies (The Women), watching trashy reality TV (The Real Housewives of Atlanta), and chatted some.

I know, I can hardly contain the excitement, too.

It’s late, so this probably won’t make sense.

What do you do, when you feel that you’ve met your soulmate…. but you feel that you might lose them due to things that are not under anyone’s control. Outisde influences. Complicated situations. And, all you want to do is hang on tight.

Is it selfish to hang on?

Usually, this time of year is magical for me. I love the weather, the way the snow falls and makes everything… different. I love the music, the movies, the laughter, the lights, the pretty bows and wrapping paper, the decorations, the friendships, the family… the love. I love giving presents and seeing that persons face light up. I like making people happy. Every year, I look forward to Christmas.

Except, this year. For some reason, I can’t get into the Christmas Spirit. I’ve tried, I want to, but it just seems out of my grasp. I’m not sure what it is. Well, that’s not true. I kinda do know. It’s a multitude of stressful things that seem to be dive-bombing me lately. I know that I don’t have it worse than anyone else. I know that there are many, people who have much much worse than I do. But this year, I just want to curl up in a corner somewhere, pull a big blanket over me and disappear for a little while.

I’m hoping this goes away soon. I’d hate to miss out on the magic of Christmas, when I know that I’ll regret it later.

I have a wonderful family. Couldn’t dream for better.

I have great friends. Couldn’t ask for better.

The job, that’s a little sketchy, but.. eh, it pays the bills. Well, most of them.

But… there are days, that I’m unsure about everything. There are days that I can’t paint the smile on, and pretend that everything is okay. There are times, that it doesn’t *feel* okay.  There are times that I feel lost, vulnerable, and alone… even when I’m in a crowded room. There are times that I’m sad, and can’t explain way or what caused it. There are times, that my dreams get the best of me and I get wrapped up in the ‘what-ifs’ that I forget about the reality for a bit.

There are times… like now. A crash course of life, and I find myself standing in the middle of the road, with a million different ways to go, and no map.

Many years ago, back in the day of blazing blue eye shadow, stripper-red lips and nails, magic marker thick black eyeliner, I had a big makeup case (aka: Caboodle). This thing was HUGE. It had three or four trays that would flair out on each side, once the lid was lifted, also two or three trays that lifted up in the middle, and it was deep. I could hold everything in there… and believe me I did. That thing was full with whatever was on sale, usually ‘Wet-N-Wild” brand makeup. It was a treat to have something like Cover Girl, because I was definitely not ‘born with it’ so maybe it was Maybelline. I was obsessed with makeup. That was when; being obsessed with makeup and hair products was the ‘in thing’. All my friends were, so why not. I didn’t have any sisters or brothers (no, not spoiled… just well loved), but I had a mom and two aunts. My family really is who I consider my BEST friends. No question about that. Growing up with my mom and aunts, I was surrounded by estrogen. There were men, sure, but the female power in my family, is something fierce. Whether they are working outside the home doing what they have to, to provide a better life for their families, or staying at home raising their children, or a mixture of both… the women in my family are well, simply amazing. But, that’s another topic all together. Now, back to the makeup. I learned how to apply my makeup via watching and learning from my mom and aunts. My grandma did the hair-do teaching, she is now a retired beautician and ran her own shop out of her house for most of my childhood. We went through the horrific AWESOME 80’s. Makeup was loud and proud. Then, there was a time that I just simply did the basics. I got tired of all the fuss. As I grew older, my makeup case became a bag, and contained the essentials, but no ‘tools of the trade’. I didn’t care about brushes and sponges; I didn’t care about shades or shapes. All that I cared about was that it covered what it had to, and that I seemed to feel a little better when wearing it.
 

As I’ve grown older (okay, actually just lately, and a lot of influence by my best friend, V) I’ve become re-obsessed with makeup. Only this time? I’ve realized that it really DOES matter what’s in your makeup case. That’s right, C-A-S-E… not bag. I’ve traded in the bag and got a pink(shush)-cammo train case makeup case. And guess what, it’s not big enough now. I have a makeup brush set, complete with it’s own special rollcase to protect it. I’ve switched shopping the Cover Girl and Maybelline aisles and started shopping at Ulta and Sephora. I am… a makeup snob. I can’t help it. There’s so much to choose from. There’s glitter and sparkles. There’s deep and dark. There’s bright and light. I have every color under the rainbow and then some. I’ve discovered Urban Decay and Too Faced.  Gotten lost amongst Smashbox and Red Earth. I don’t know how I ever survived without Bare Escentuals. I can’t get enough of OPI. It’s insane really. And the names, I mean really… who can resist? Midnight Cowboy Rides Again, Grind, Fishnet, Gash, Last Call, and the list goes on and on. I walk in, innocently enough, to buy ONE tube of mascara and some foundation… Way too much money later, I walk out with a bag full with: 1 glitter liquid eyeliner, 1 tube of eyeshadow primer, 1 glitteresque eyeliner, 1 very sparkly eyeshadow… all via this neat little thing: Best of Urban. Oh, and my mascara and foundation. I was so happy. This is when, I realized…. I have a problem. I’m a makeup-whore. You may need to send backup. Send me to a support group, do an intervention! Either that, or just send cash. Oh, and I take paypal… (umm, thanks V!)

I’ve been wondering lately which direction I want my blog to go. Over the years, I’ve noticed that anytime that I have a public journal I tend to censor myself. I’ve wondered why I do this, and though I try not to… I find myself doing it anyway.

So, that leads me to wonder… why do I care? It is my blog after all. I am an adult. I have real emotions, real thoughts, real desires.. .and while I may not be that single gal living it up in a big city, I’m still a woman. So I’m curious… how do other bloggers get over the silent-monster and just put it all out there?

Maybe I should just put a disclaimer up…. “Warning: This blog may make you mad, it make offend, and you may find it socially unacceptable. But.. it’s all me.”